Openness
22 July 2024
Being consistent with what you do publicly versus what you do privately (or in your own mind) might be beneficial to your well-being.
Here’s Marcus Aurelius’ recommendation to himself:
You must get into the habit of restricting your thoughts to those that are such that if you were suddenly asked “What are you thinking?” you could answer frankly and without hesitation, “X” or “Y” and it would immediately be clear from your reply that all your thoughts are guileless and kindly … [nothing] that one would blush to admit one had in mind.
Meditations, book 3, note 4
No matter what time of day, what mood we are in, how tired we are, whether we are alone or with others, we should only think or do things that we’d be willing to say out-loud to someone in our life.
I don’t think this means it’s always appropriate to actually do this. Instead, it means that secrecy, embarrassment, shame, or fear of being found-out should not be the reason to avoid the question. There should be no room for malice, plotting or embarrassment in your thoughts or actions.
For me, this prompt encourages two helpful things.
Firstly, it brings into alignment what we believe and what we actually do.
We might already have quite a clear view of how other people should behave, what is advisable vs ill-advised. This technique encourages us to hold ourselves to those same ideas because we have to act as if all of our private, secret thoughts and activities would be willing made public if asked. I think it can be quite abrasive in our mind acting against what we believe. It can lead to feelings of shame, embarrassment or disappointment: all of which we’d rather not feel. And this technique helps reduce that.
Secondly, it prompts us to engage the slower, more reasonable part of our brain.
We often do things impulsively, or flit between various half-baked thoughts. The technique that Marcus recommends forces us to summarise our state into a full sentence - as if we were about to say it out loud. It’s much easier judge whether something is helpful or hurtful when we see it more clearly. Additionally, we can aid this evaluation by imagining that the other person is someone who we admire and wants the best for us - what would they think if they heard what you said? Therefore, we are encouraged to stop doing things that are hurtful to ourselves or others.